it's not likely to be the usual me for writing the blog twice...
but there's sumtin that i wanted to jot down right after i saw that, as blogging has becum one of my important place to express all my feelings down...
even though sum of the stories were wrote for fun only...
but still, i need to jot this down...
i saw it...
she saw it too...
there's sumtin that i dun like to say face to face, as i am a really shy person...
to hug with sumone, to touch sumone, to look at sumone...
those were sumtin beyond my control...
i was usually a person who cant stand people staring at me, i dont dare to touch anyone...
as when i do all those things, my shyness will cum out of nowhere. i dont noe if anyone noticed my shyness or not, i jux hope none of them realised it...
actually, i hate my THAT-self...
the shyness went through all my veins, as i couldnt control it... damn...
i dun dare to speak everything out, sumtime i jux remained silence about what i thought rather than what i talked(which was not true)...
even when we were going through that COLD WAR, i chose not to say anything...
i asked her what happened to her, but she answered NOTHING--which was not real as all of her emotions were written on her face....
i dun wan2 ask anymore, jux let her be... but i did sent her a message saying that when she feel like telling me, dont hesitate to tell me...
so, i took jia wen with me, jia wen kept on asking me was it because of her that ah mi was like tat? i kept on saying NO NO NO, because i never wanted to tink of it that the fact that ah mi was mad at me was slightly related to jia wen...
i knew deep in my heart that jia wen do have a little tiny bit to do with ah mi's sudden change...
because it's always related to ARCHERY...
when sstudying, ah mi wont really have that much of EMO sign as much as during archery...
that's y i swear to my helper that:'' if anything were to happen to our friendship, i swear i will give up all a bout archery and throw it all away."
thank god, nothing like that happened.
as i liked archery very much, which i just realised it NOW...
back then, i was blurred wth my feelings towards archery...
but right after the rececnt tournament, i realised it.
I LOVE ARCHERY.
i love the feeling of going through all the competition, the nervous feeling, the feeling of trying to conquer my jittery mind, the feeling of winning my own mind, the feeling of doing the best i can, the feeling of not being able to control my mind... all sorts of positive and negative feelings...
if i m still in form three right now, and i have cleared my mind that i love archery these much, i would choose to go for the national achery team...
but what to do now?
i have SPM.
i really wished if i could go to the melaka tournament, which will never happen anymore..
i also feel like going to the sibu tournament which is around the corner...
but first, i need to be prepared for my spm trial... which make all my hair falls and also turning white... geez...
i like to read books, but it was like as my hobby only...
as for archery, i wished for it to be with me forever...
but i cant...
my family never thought that i could do very well in archery, as good as treating it as a whole-life job... that's why i never thought of choosing that road, which i regretted now...
i admire beatric, whom manage to continue on that road as her next journey...
i just wished i realised that earlier than now...
my love towards archery...

serdang II ---010

I missed them.
i missed everyone.
i missed it.
i missed everything.
i missed the life there.
i missed it when there are lots of friends there.
i missed it when we drank tea at midnight.
i missed it when we get to talk sbout our lives, stories and so...
i missed my new friends.
i missed jason, faris, helman, jerry, meg, and so...
i missed the feelings there.
i missed mines shopping mall too...
i missed it where we get to play the arcade, the dancing one, the racinh one...
i missed the fun there.
i missed everything everyone get to missed...
i missed.............