My thoughts.. Countless thoughts... and it all revolves around you

The tear.

I am afraid...
But i can't tell you...

And it's a coincidence that you never bother to look or search for this blog of mine...

Most of my thoughts are here...

I am actually kinda glad you are not here...

I've always thought couples can talk about everything...

Well there are exceptions too such as ex'es but i think i am okay about ex'es, because i am the present, ex'es stands for nothing.

I don't know about people thoughts...

But it's my own thoughts that has brought me here today...

I am afraid really...

I am afraid when i pressured you, you'll try to smoke...

Smoking is a very big issue to me. a very big one. And i don't think you know how big it is to me. all you know is that i hate smokers and that's all.

If i say i regret being together with you, then i would be untruthful to myself too.

I regret being a part of your life at the same time i am glad i am a part of your life.

I tried to learn to accept that part of you which i dislike and i did it.

I love you knowing you are a smoker and know that you will still smoke sometimes but you are trying your best not to smoke and keep a good image of you.

You don't do that in front of your family and you won't do it in front of me will you? If you do then i will be treated as an equal almost like your family then i'll know my place and position in your life.

Know why i agreed on helping with your maths quiz? well we talked a bit about this before but not very deep and clear. I wanted to be of good use to you when i can, i don't want to reject you. I wanted to show how good i am and i wanted you to find me when you need help. If i reject you, then there will be one less chance for me to be a part of your life... To others it might sounds like you are using me or something not good, but i am willing to do it and it just shows how stupid i am when it comes to you and it's all you. I just wanted to be your everything when i can and i CAN...

When i went out with friends and i decided to tell you what i an doing or what we talked about or when we talked about you, i paused. Because it doesn't seems that you bother to know every parts of my life. Maybe you are thinking you should leave some spaces to me( in which you leave me a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooot of space, too much but oh well), or maybe you are really not interested with my life, or maybe you just don't care. oh whatever these are my thoughts i have no idea of what are you thinking.

You are afraid of facing the crying me. I am kinda sad with it actually. I am sad. I cried because of you. I am worried I am afraid I fear for you and I miss you and I love you...

I'll be carrying a thick eye bags tomorrow definitely. Because i was shredding my tears for the entire passage. Imagine me with tears... That would be funny...

My thoughts, my actions, my emotions, my affections... It all revolves around you... These are how much i love you. I am just a stupid girl when i truly love a person. And once i am hurt i'll shut my heart tight for some long times...

I sound stupid but It's okay...

I hate it when i hate you because i love you when i hate you...