Call it Mrs, PMS. As Usual

I said i wouldn't want to call you liao since you are soo busy these few days.
And then you said 'Don't like that larh'.

I said i don't know wat time you are free.
You said 'I'm free i ll tell you. I'm free from 8 to 10'

I said I am not free around that time because most of my classes ends at around 5 and then i'll have to exercise for around 1 hour, dinner for around one hour, shower and washing clothes and do some HOMEWORK for around 2hours. in the end, i'll only be available at after 10.30pm at least.
Then you said:' oh, okay, i prefer to msn though.'

But through msn, i'll have to wait for you to reply me. You are always doing some other things when you are chatting such as chat with another few more friends, watched youtube videos, reading your 9gags, read mangas, streaming animes, organising dota games and in a blue moon doing your assignments etc etc etc...

If i call you, i'll be more at ease, knowing that you are focusing on our chat more instead of doing some other things. Besides, it's me the one who normally made the calls, things should have been the other way round in normal couple routine, well at least on balance, if you want to call the boys-and-girls-are-equal quote.

I mean, it's just a matter of five bucks, or ten bucks, or fifteen bucks, or at most thirty bucks, like for A MONTH, since you are such a great-phone-credit-user.

Ohya, Some things arent suppose to be told. They are supposed to be kept inside the heart, let mr. TIME eat them all up. But what if Mr. TIME cant erase them and things just kept on getting stacked up into a mountain full of 'Useless'-thoughts-volcanoe? Wont there be even greater disasters?

I've always been holding up my feelings, trying not to pressurize you when you are with me, have always been 'jaga-ing' your feelings. Making you as happy as you can with all my mighty-puny-heart.

Whenever i have problems regarding you, i have always been keeping it to myself. Only when you made me worry and furious and all-the-negative-things( in my opinion)-you-did combine into one until i cannot withstand it all alone then i'll seek out for other people's help. Like talk to them, or find something crazy or happpier to do RATHER THAN to think about you.

Well i might be having pms, so blame it on pms, as usual.

Leaving...

Soon, My Uni life is gonna start.
And that means i was having farewell gatherings and dinners and all that.
Most importantly, I'll be leaving Miri.
Separating with my love ones.
Shoppings, Meet-ups, Dinners, Gatherings, Packing....
The last few days in Miri are quite tiresome lol...
Physically, as well as mentally.

Been helding back my feelings. Been going out with my beloved ones. Been spending time with him as much as possible. Been asked not to look back when i walk into the departure hall.

Whenever I look at those items he gave me, I have to keep a hold of myself.
Oh Gosh, I am just going to Kl larh. But why is it so sad lol?
Truthfully, the reason for being so emotional isbecauseofnotbeingabletostaybyhissidewheneverhewantsanymore.

Well, Here's what i wanna tell you.

Baby, okay i'll promise you i'll not look back when i walk into the departure hall. I'll try to stay as calm as possible as if i am just going for a vacation and you are gonna receive some candies when i come back from my vacation. So, remain a good boy kay baby?
Don't you dare naughty naughty with anyone and you guai guai kay? Don't make me worry. Study as wise as possible kay? When you are really really very stress up you can do whatever you think is right to relief yourself but i'd prefer you spam your stress on your computer. =X Don't you dare emo when i leave miri kay? If you emo i'll be even more emo and you should have known that very well.
I want my baby to stay sot sot and a bit wrong-wired. Be cheerful and be my cheeky chapie. Read your 9gags and stay kiddish. Even though i am not physically with you and that's the truth that sadden us the most but still I am always there for you.

I love you and will always do. =3

Gibberish..

Random Picture: Gave me the feeling of having lots of thoughts for the lady

As if i know everything you do, as if i know everything about you.
But in fact i have been guessing the whole time.

What you have been doing?

where have you been?

Did you do something i don't like?

All the wild guesses.

I wanted to know what you did, where you've been.

When a friend of mine sms-ed about you, straight away, i reply him. Because that's the only hint of your whereabout.

But i don't dare to ask more. I don't feel like asking more.

I don't even feel like asking your whereabout. Though i have been struggling with it. Been On and Off for quite a while.

At last i looked for something else which can distract me.

The moment i wrote about this, i can imagine your scent. the sweet scent you have been wearing on your hair.
Looks like i am deeply, in love with this particular guy.
Which i think i shouldn be doing.

Trying to make myself busy is the best option.
But then again you always pop-out of nowhere, distracting me.

I... I... I just have to sort myself a bit now...
Even though it's lovely to have your shadows in every bit of my life, But it turns out to be a disaster as well.

It's not that i am having any negative thoughts regarding our relationships... I don't want to end things at all. That's even stupid.

Maybe this long break is making my brain kinda messed up a bit.

I have no idea with all these gibberish i am typing about. Just feel like getting the mess out of my mind a bit.

Do whatever you think is right. Think whatever you think is wise. This is my solution. It's not concrete but i hope it will stay solid.

One joke. But It's not the same joke to everyone.

Red Joke

when i saw that fact from my friend, i feel like sharing it to my baby.
Well of course it was entirely a joke to me, trying to turn it into a loving joke.

But, it wasn't, for him.

As if i touched wood, i was going to say sorry if he really dislike it.
But then something even more heartbreaking came out from him.

... "save it for someone who deserve it more !" ...

Even without thinking thoroughly about the intention behind the sentence, the words itself pierced directly through my heart.

Maybe if i take it as a joke but.... no way no way.... no matter how many times i look at it... rubbed my eyes... shed my tears away... read through the conversation again and again and again... it's still there... It's true that he just wrote that...

Therefore tears continuously falling along my cheeks onto the table, even while i was resolving with him about that BAD JOKE...

and then all i know was that my heart was doing the thinking, things like, " now then i know i am so unworthy to him ", " after everything i have done he still have that kind of thoughts", "why are you saying that to me, it was actually just a loving joke that i have intended to say". yada yada yada yada...

at least i told him about this. like how that sentence actually meant to me.

Glad you realised it. And i love you still much.