my day....

it's a wonderful morning...
except for this little thing i di...
NO! BIg thingy...
i ate sumtin which i dun wan2 think i ate it...
this certain thing made me wan2 volmit...
i went to MINI SAU PAU to have breakfast..
my sis ordered a noodle which until now i still dunno what s it s name...
a RM3.50 noodle...
consist of sumtin sumtin...
nothing special...
but sumtin is very special...
i ll show u the picture...

do u noe what is it??
can u try to imagine what it is?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW..
it's Pig intestine...
PIG!!!
at first i dunno what it was...
so i just eat it...
my sis too..
she refused to eat it at first..
but i ordered her to eat...
arghh...
and then i asked the lao ban niang what was it...
she said 猪肠
The end....

it's not likely to be the usual me for writing the blog twice...
but there's sumtin that i wanted to jot down right after i saw that, as blogging has becum one of my important place to express all my feelings down...
even though sum of the stories were wrote for fun only...
but still, i need to jot this down...
i saw it...
she saw it too...
there's sumtin that i dun like to say face to face, as i am a really shy person...
to hug with sumone, to touch sumone, to look at sumone...
those were sumtin beyond my control...
i was usually a person who cant stand people staring at me, i dont dare to touch anyone...
as when i do all those things, my shyness will cum out of nowhere. i dont noe if anyone noticed my shyness or not, i jux hope none of them realised it...
actually, i hate my THAT-self...
the shyness went through all my veins, as i couldnt control it... damn...
i dun dare to speak everything out, sumtime i jux remained silence about what i thought rather than what i talked(which was not true)...
even when we were going through that COLD WAR, i chose not to say anything...
i asked her what happened to her, but she answered NOTHING--which was not real as all of her emotions were written on her face....
i dun wan2 ask anymore, jux let her be... but i did sent her a message saying that when she feel like telling me, dont hesitate to tell me...
so, i took jia wen with me, jia wen kept on asking me was it because of her that ah mi was like tat? i kept on saying NO NO NO, because i never wanted to tink of it that the fact that ah mi was mad at me was slightly related to jia wen...
i knew deep in my heart that jia wen do have a little tiny bit to do with ah mi's sudden change...
because it's always related to ARCHERY...
when sstudying, ah mi wont really have that much of EMO sign as much as during archery...
that's y i swear to my helper that:'' if anything were to happen to our friendship, i swear i will give up all a bout archery and throw it all away."
thank god, nothing like that happened.
as i liked archery very much, which i just realised it NOW...
back then, i was blurred wth my feelings towards archery...
but right after the rececnt tournament, i realised it.
I LOVE ARCHERY.
i love the feeling of going through all the competition, the nervous feeling, the feeling of trying to conquer my jittery mind, the feeling of winning my own mind, the feeling of doing the best i can, the feeling of not being able to control my mind... all sorts of positive and negative feelings...
if i m still in form three right now, and i have cleared my mind that i love archery these much, i would choose to go for the national achery team...
but what to do now?
i have SPM.
i really wished if i could go to the melaka tournament, which will never happen anymore..
i also feel like going to the sibu tournament which is around the corner...
but first, i need to be prepared for my spm trial... which make all my hair falls and also turning white... geez...
i like to read books, but it was like as my hobby only...
as for archery, i wished for it to be with me forever...
but i cant...
my family never thought that i could do very well in archery, as good as treating it as a whole-life job... that's why i never thought of choosing that road, which i regretted now...
i admire beatric, whom manage to continue on that road as her next journey...
i just wished i realised that earlier than now...
my love towards archery...

serdang II ---010

I missed them.
i missed everyone.
i missed it.
i missed everything.
i missed the life there.
i missed it when there are lots of friends there.
i missed it when we drank tea at midnight.
i missed it when we get to talk sbout our lives, stories and so...
i missed my new friends.
i missed jason, faris, helman, jerry, meg, and so...
i missed the feelings there.
i missed mines shopping mall too...
i missed it where we get to play the arcade, the dancing one, the racinh one...
i missed the fun there.
i missed everything everyone get to missed...
i missed.............

Serdang's trip 21/07-27/07 ---009

shocked...

surprised...
flabbergasted...
what else?
sad...
depressed...
lose...
anything i could tink of the negative side, it all appeared on me...
at first, i thought y did god chose me as the one to be punished with that kind of thing..
then i came out with a solution that maybe god took that because i was going to receive sumthing...
but,NO...
nothing happen...
all that happened was-- i lose in those matches, i lost my happy vacation, and most importantly, I ALMOST LOST MY BEST FRIEND.
she seems unstable... now too, maybe...
i thought everything was going as i planned, where everything wasnt going anything as i planned...
the first day, everything turned upside down.
ah mi suddenly dont care bout me... that's the first surprise present for me...
after that, i heard that she was mad about me...
but Y? i didnt do anything wrong? i cant remember a thing that i did wrong...
my world came crumbling, eyes welled with tears, but i withstand it...
i dont know who i should find to talk to... not ah boon and jia wen, and of course not ah mi who was mad at me...
so a SMS my dear HELPer, who i trust half half-ly...
i SMS "wht did i do wrong?" sumting like that...
and then he called me straight away...
haiz, stupid me was like holding back my tears when i talked...
and of course he knew it since my voice was trembling...
okay la.... lazy to talk bout him already...
while i was going thorough the trauma of shocked by ahmi's madness of me, all i could thought of was I WANTED TO GO ONLINE AND JOT ALL OF MY FEELINGS HERE.
and that's what i was doing now...
however, at the evening time of the second day, ahmi suddenly came to sit with me in the bus...
awkwardly, i asked her again. but still, no answer...
there's a big wall between us, that's what i thought that moment...
haiz, then we go eat satay lo... big and fat satay...
that's when this big SARAWAKIAN"S family first sat together at the same table...
it was a happy meal... i drank coconut juice... jerry too, as well as ahmi...
there's one scene where i sucked the juice out but instead i made a loud "chuu-chuu" sound...
that's when morrison JIO me again, with mika...
and then later, ahmi sent me one message that i've slightly known for what had happened to ahmi...
no details of course... let us be the only two who knew it...
and then, at the midnight of our last competition...
ah mi talked HEART to me...
of course ah mi cried...
since we talked heart...
and of course i cried...
i have a heart okay? but i remained calm and smiley, to listen to her... and of course i m not good at giveing opinions, i HATE my DONt-noe-HOW-to-give-opinion-self...
Oh ya! ah boon has got a new galfren!!!! congrate...
but, to tell u the truth boon, i dont really like that girl... since i saw the GELI de messages... SOrry boon! dont angry k?
BACK!!! the whole trip was like, repeating the same whole thing...
even i did my best in that competition, i still dont tink i did my best... stupid me...
go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but i liked those challenges...
well...
i ve met sum cool kids during this trip...
there's JASON SIAW, WAN FARIS(FARAH), HELMON, MEG, and Jerry...
here's sum picture i took during an before everything....


me jia wen felicia at secret recipe(MINES)

ME, FARAH, HALMON(TOO BAD MY FACE WAS HALVED)

jERRY AND ME

JIA WEN, JASON AND ME

A PIC IN BUS

NICE SHOT

...... PAI SEH...

END OF TOURNAMENT-SARAWAK TEAM!!!

HURHA...

I'm Away...Again...---008

it's 10.25pm...
there's only snores in this building...
everyone in this building were on their way to their wonderland... some of them might have playing their ALICE...
but not me...
as i am going away from here soon... so soon that i cant catch up with my own pace...
not that i am dying, Choi... but the fact that i am going away for some ridiculous and stupid competition again...
it's all about archery again...
come to think of it, my whole teenage years have been occupied with it...
normal child would not have spent so much time on that particular thing...
or was it that what i did was whatever everyone did during their teens?
what i saw, right in my eyes was the fact that i did something special, different...
friends around me was like,'wow! so nice to have a chance to go outstation with friends again!'
is it?
it's just something i must do for the sake of becoming stronger, powerful...
accurate and consistent archer, a brave one...
yes, i do admit that i was different. i am an archer.. an unknown archer...
a friend of mine asked me somthing just now...
'what make's Bea so concentrate on her shooting? why couldnt we too?'
well, i cant' answer that kind of question as my answer is void... nothing...
archery was like... just a hobby now... right?
maybe, it wasnt my place to be here right now, where i am standing right now...
i could have been away from it, or away from my NOW self...
It's 10.40pm right now...
everyone in this building, was in their wonderland of alice... but not me...