love has always been with me

I was having shower just now, when i heard my mum's excited sound...
i realized i was surrounded by love all the time, from my family especially...
They have been the closest homo sapiens, ever since i was born...
It's true that you'll always get annoyed at, when they nagged at you...
Duh, emotionally things are unavoidable...
unless you are cold-blooded...
But, it's true that i am loved...
Just that we haven't been realizing it...
When young, i was so immature...
whenever mum forced me to study, i showed her sh*tish face..
even untill secondary school, i was still like that...
She's a teacher.
Everyone has this certain mindset that a teacher's child must be very clever and so...
Urghh, I don't like it. So i always blame her...
And I said: I DON't WANT TO BE A TEACHER"S CHILD!!!
>_<
Such immature words I've been saying... XD
However, she still kept on teaching me.. Guided me in science and Maths especially...
No matter how hard-headed I was, she never not paused on explaining facts and methods...
I just simply sit there blank-mindedly, while she continued on her lectures...
I've forgotten whether I really did not listen to her entirely or not...
But, once i calmed down while she's still giveing her lectures, I did listen a bit... A bit only...
Because everytime she gave me knowledge, I was not in the mood to listen to her at all...
Actually I quite pity her... But now i am guilty...
She sooo seriously wanted to teach me whilst I don't listen to her at all..
Mummy, sorry... I didn't listen to you when you teach me Maths... But in the end i still listen to you a bit^^
sorry to waste your time but I am very grateful because It' does helped me a little..^^
But, now I was able to judge right or wrong liao... Sometimes still can't though...
I've no idea since when i started to treat studies more importantly...
It just came out by instinct and i did it automatically..
Maybe it happened when i was in form4, after i've competed in sukma..
Maybe it was those half year of archery training( jan 2008- june 2008) had changed me...
That was a memorable time though... Lot's of thing happened^^
I bet there's not many people who have undergone such half year of experienced...
I'm glad I've got the chance to experience it...
It was a whole six month of no-need-to-study-punya-life, only archery and friends with no family members around^^
Thanks to that.. I think i've changed a little...
I don't know how and when and why, I suddenly know how's the appropriate way to study...
For me only lar~ because everyone have different study method...
I truly agree with the quote PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT^^
But practise the right way!!! not the wrong way!!! judge wrong or right by your own!!!
Why do i said so?? because i realised my spm trial results were getting better...
and then until SPM results came out, it was truly a miracle for me... then i end up with a conclusion, Practice!!!!
Urgh... right after the result came out, i was forced by my parents to apply this apply that... >_<
blablabla~
sometimes i really did thought of why did my results meet all the scholarship's requirement??
I even thought i was SOI... Sot me...
But good thing is, at least my parents were happy... even until now they are still joyful...
I'm glad i make them happy^^
once, my mum joked to me one thing...
SHE SAID: I DID'N EXPECT YOU TO GET SUCH GOOD RESULTS...
@@...speechless...
fine, u're happy...^^ Thumbs-up^^
My dad, who i always less talked with, he always support me from behind..
I am sure he was proud of me^^
that day when my results came out, he called me and asked me about my results...
I only annouced how many A's and B and C to him... then he asked me to tell mummy... whom i've told before he called me... aa... he really care a lot bout me... just that he don't really know how to expressed to me... >_<
So...
Thank you dad... Even when JPA interview that day, you waited for me until i was done...
THank you...
Therefore, I was always loved...
I was loved,
even when mum slapped me(once, maybe she was too mad liao. but i forget why she slapped me because i didn took it seriously^^),
even when she hit me with rotan(always, when i was young),
even when dad hit me with hanger(once or twice, i think it was for me to have a healthy body, forgot liao)..
My turn to get scolded was over( i hope)...
It's my form3 de sis's turn liao...
Whenever i saw her being lectured by my mum, i always say an image of me when i was lectured... soo funny^^
I hope she will know how to judge what's right or wrong as soon as possible... So that mum and dad need'nt worry too much...
XD

ever since that day~~

It' has been a long time ever since i came back...
For this lot's of incidents have happened...
Life changes everything...
Time speeds up very rapidly... Wonder Why?
Have I changed?? Or have i lost my track of time??
All i did these past few months, was just sticking my eyes on the laptop..
Playing certain game which i have no need to mention...
Addiction sure is a cruel poison...
I've spent my three months, doing the same thing, walking in the labyrinth..
Just like a Maze, I turned into this and that route, searching for something...
yet what beholds me, was just the same game, meaningless to my real life...
I sought for the reason of my life, yet i found nothing...
Or, have i been searching truthfully??
What was I doing those days?
The meaning of my life was nowhere to be seen...
And yet It's searching for me, i knew it was..
The time hasn't reach...
It's may be just around the corner, or maybe a few thousand miles away...
I want my life to be simple.
I want my life to be single.
I want my life to be successful.
*********************************************************************
Well, who doesn't want it??

PS: Just simply jumble out everything that came out without any organisation.. XD

Adieu^^

but, even a short message can bring joy.

all i need is some alphabelts...
but it seems that the realisation hasn't came...
maybe it will never be noticed...
as a kid can do nothing but play, act naughty...
once an adult befall themselves into such immature world,
all shall only receive, nothing...
living in this endless world with such,
one would rather not try...
perhaps it's too late, when one has fallen into such calamity...
regretting won't do anything...
erasing will be the best solution...
but, what has been marked shall not disappear easily...
if only time is able to turn back, there wont be any if only...

there's this never end world...
destiny is all one could say bout anything happened or happening...
merry world is what one have always wanted...
just a short message could have bring one to joy in heaven...

It hurts....

i m feeling sooo down....
maybe i was missing my xdo life...
or maybe there are other sources that makes me hurt like this...
i dun wan2 talk about it because i m not prepared for it...
the heart does hurt...
i wonder why...
it's so hard to breath...
i wonder why...
no one can explain...
and i dun wan anyone to explain...
i hate thinking bout it...
dun talk bout it to me...
act like u didn see this...
dun remind me bout it...
i wanted to get rid of it...
the whole day...
i feel so weird...
the pain, gathered and clumped together...
it stuck in my veins...
making it hard for the blood to flow...
making me hard to breath...
i m suffocated...
i dun like this feeling...
even though it's a present it's also a hell for me...
from the heaven to the abyss...
i dun like it...
it hurts...
my heart ache...
please dun ask me about it...
just let it be...
do not mention it in front of me...
i hate it...

无所不缺，有缺

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到处都是0.
太闲空绝非好事。
就像现在一样，无所事事。
单单面对这平面图都觉得日子好难过，干脆去死。。
没啦。。。
厌倦这几天没头尾地过活。。。
怀念那有目标的日子。。。
该死的怪理念。。。
空洞的日子比地狱来的难熬，虽然没见过地狱。
什么都有但什么都没有的感觉，好讽刺。
缺少了什么，心知肚明。
笔记不下来。
只知道心里有空洞。。
太无聊了！

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