!@#$%^&*(*&^%$#@@!#$%^&*()(*(&^%%$#@

rocks, paper, scissors, clips, pencil, eraser, books, lamps, fan, cups, spoon, fork, table, pot, etc......

every time things just goes the other way round...

not once have it been according to will or intention...

wishes don't come true when one only clasped their hand and do nothing...

dreams won't come true when one only sleep on his or her bed while closing their eyes....

two years ago i've been saying like: two years later i'll make sure i'll get it...

two years after that i was like: i really hope that i am not where i am now....

i gained and lose something at the same time...

aaahhh, everyone has that, the gain-and-lose thing, or the gain-or-lose thing...

whatever, it's still the same...

i gained:

sdo

study life

life without the burning sun

airconds whole day etc

i lose:

archery

UN/IN/DISstudy life

life with burning sun

sweating whole day etc

through calculations, both are basically equal actually...( i've no idea how did i calculate... sixth sense hurh??)

back to six or more months ago, i could have defended my mum and said that i still want to continue that A-B-A stuff if it werent for my laziness and my willingness into S-S-S...

memories of those moments always flow INSIDE my mind...

but mum kept on saying that: u're not the kind who fits into A-B-A...

and i actually TELAN it instead of MUNTAH it...

which i regret now....

if A-B-A doesn't fit into me, then what does???

now i began doubting myself,

pharmacy, was it really a good choice for me??

isn't that my mum's idea too instead of mine???

then what's my intention actually??

I DUNNO~~~

I DUNNO~~~

I DUNNO~~~

there's actually some of me, who still actualy wants to join their fun...

SDO is counted as the first thing which i have actually have a lot of first thing happened...

sounds blur right??

nah~~

during sdo, i've used up my real $$$ until almost rm1k, i've given my numbers to my sdo friends, i used webcam( finally), i got angered with the incidents happened inside...etc...

however, A-B-A is also one of first thing i've got my first thing on... @@

A-B-A: i made my parents spent around rm10k for the whole journey, i've been leaving my hometown and living my life with friends without parents controlling for quite a while, FUN...

it's all about 怀念 i've been talking about...

self-hate now....

but one cant hate ourself...

want this want that in the end always get nothing....

urghh...

life sucks!!! right??

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A-B-A stands for archery-bow-arrows....(lame.....)

S-S-S stands for sleep-study-Sdo.....( my mind got unwired)

Life S-U-C-K-S~~~~~~~~~~

am i guilty??

not replying your messages, was it guilty?
not receiving your call, was it guilty?
not informing you about something, was it guilty?
not caring for you for a while, was it guilty?
not trying to listen to your thoughts for sometimes, was it guilty?
not wanting you to involve with my life for sometimes, was it guilty?
not wanting you to get hurt but ignore you instead, was it guilty?
not wanting you to kept on missing me, was it guilty?
not wanting you to snatch away my freedom, was it guilty?
not really desired to go out with you, was it guilty?
not wanting you to love me, was it guilty?
**********************************************************************

depressingly, things aren't the same anymore.
known myself being loved was actually quite troublesome.
I'm not kind-hearted at all, I'm actually quite malicious.
I don't want to lose anyone, so i remained silent.....

love has always been with me

I was having shower just now, when i heard my mum's excited sound...
i realized i was surrounded by love all the time, from my family especially...
They have been the closest homo sapiens, ever since i was born...
It's true that you'll always get annoyed at, when they nagged at you...
Duh, emotionally things are unavoidable...
unless you are cold-blooded...
But, it's true that i am loved...
Just that we haven't been realizing it...
When young, i was so immature...
whenever mum forced me to study, i showed her sh*tish face..
even untill secondary school, i was still like that...
She's a teacher.
Everyone has this certain mindset that a teacher's child must be very clever and so...
Urghh, I don't like it. So i always blame her...
And I said: I DON't WANT TO BE A TEACHER"S CHILD!!!
>_<
Such immature words I've been saying... XD
However, she still kept on teaching me.. Guided me in science and Maths especially...
No matter how hard-headed I was, she never not paused on explaining facts and methods...
I just simply sit there blank-mindedly, while she continued on her lectures...
I've forgotten whether I really did not listen to her entirely or not...
But, once i calmed down while she's still giveing her lectures, I did listen a bit... A bit only...
Because everytime she gave me knowledge, I was not in the mood to listen to her at all...
Actually I quite pity her... But now i am guilty...
She sooo seriously wanted to teach me whilst I don't listen to her at all..
Mummy, sorry... I didn't listen to you when you teach me Maths... But in the end i still listen to you a bit^^
sorry to waste your time but I am very grateful because It' does helped me a little..^^
But, now I was able to judge right or wrong liao... Sometimes still can't though...
I've no idea since when i started to treat studies more importantly...
It just came out by instinct and i did it automatically..
Maybe it happened when i was in form4, after i've competed in sukma..
Maybe it was those half year of archery training( jan 2008- june 2008) had changed me...
That was a memorable time though... Lot's of thing happened^^
I bet there's not many people who have undergone such half year of experienced...
I'm glad I've got the chance to experience it...
It was a whole six month of no-need-to-study-punya-life, only archery and friends with no family members around^^
Thanks to that.. I think i've changed a little...
I don't know how and when and why, I suddenly know how's the appropriate way to study...
For me only lar~ because everyone have different study method...
I truly agree with the quote PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT^^
But practise the right way!!! not the wrong way!!! judge wrong or right by your own!!!
Why do i said so?? because i realised my spm trial results were getting better...
and then until SPM results came out, it was truly a miracle for me... then i end up with a conclusion, Practice!!!!
Urgh... right after the result came out, i was forced by my parents to apply this apply that... >_<
blablabla~
sometimes i really did thought of why did my results meet all the scholarship's requirement??
I even thought i was SOI... Sot me...
But good thing is, at least my parents were happy... even until now they are still joyful...
I'm glad i make them happy^^
once, my mum joked to me one thing...
SHE SAID: I DID'N EXPECT YOU TO GET SUCH GOOD RESULTS...
@@...speechless...
fine, u're happy...^^ Thumbs-up^^
My dad, who i always less talked with, he always support me from behind..
I am sure he was proud of me^^
that day when my results came out, he called me and asked me about my results...
I only annouced how many A's and B and C to him... then he asked me to tell mummy... whom i've told before he called me... aa... he really care a lot bout me... just that he don't really know how to expressed to me... >_<
So...
Thank you dad... Even when JPA interview that day, you waited for me until i was done...
THank you...
Therefore, I was always loved...
I was loved,
even when mum slapped me(once, maybe she was too mad liao. but i forget why she slapped me because i didn took it seriously^^),
even when she hit me with rotan(always, when i was young),
even when dad hit me with hanger(once or twice, i think it was for me to have a healthy body, forgot liao)..
My turn to get scolded was over( i hope)...
It's my form3 de sis's turn liao...
Whenever i saw her being lectured by my mum, i always say an image of me when i was lectured... soo funny^^
I hope she will know how to judge what's right or wrong as soon as possible... So that mum and dad need'nt worry too much...
XD

ever since that day~~

It' has been a long time ever since i came back...
For this lot's of incidents have happened...
Life changes everything...
Time speeds up very rapidly... Wonder Why?
Have I changed?? Or have i lost my track of time??
All i did these past few months, was just sticking my eyes on the laptop..
Playing certain game which i have no need to mention...
Addiction sure is a cruel poison...
I've spent my three months, doing the same thing, walking in the labyrinth..
Just like a Maze, I turned into this and that route, searching for something...
yet what beholds me, was just the same game, meaningless to my real life...
I sought for the reason of my life, yet i found nothing...
Or, have i been searching truthfully??
What was I doing those days?
The meaning of my life was nowhere to be seen...
And yet It's searching for me, i knew it was..
The time hasn't reach...
It's may be just around the corner, or maybe a few thousand miles away...
I want my life to be simple.
I want my life to be single.
I want my life to be successful.
*********************************************************************
Well, who doesn't want it??

PS: Just simply jumble out everything that came out without any organisation.. XD

Adieu^^

but, even a short message can bring joy.

all i need is some alphabelts...
but it seems that the realisation hasn't came...
maybe it will never be noticed...
as a kid can do nothing but play, act naughty...
once an adult befall themselves into such immature world,
all shall only receive, nothing...
living in this endless world with such,
one would rather not try...
perhaps it's too late, when one has fallen into such calamity...
regretting won't do anything...
erasing will be the best solution...
but, what has been marked shall not disappear easily...
if only time is able to turn back, there wont be any if only...

there's this never end world...
destiny is all one could say bout anything happened or happening...
merry world is what one have always wanted...
just a short message could have bring one to joy in heaven...