3rD MontH. 99th Day =)

Together

Some says, After three months being in a relationship, the next three months are gonna be a tough one. Couples who are able to go through the next three months, are asked to not waste whatever they have done during the past half years to each other, and continue to step forward while holding on each other.

Reminiscing all those we have done together, it feels just like yesterday. Yea the quote is kinda old but indeed that's what I am feeling right now. This Third month we are having now, is also the 99th day.

In chinese, the pronounciation of the number 9 means long-lasting. It's not that i like to count or what, or maybe i really did love calculating this sort of thing. 99 days, all that we have gone through, accounts for 99 days only? those 99 days must have been a very long one, because we have been going through tonnes of stuff.. =)

Yea, the future still so far away and yet to be solved. May God bless those who still hold onto each other but have not legally occupied each other, let them have each other to be 991.

Happy 3rD Month and 99th Days Dear. =3

A New Sunday =)

Worshipping

It has been quite a long time, since i woke up so early. I am not officially known as an uni student yet, but most of my classes starts at 8 am every weekdays. Waking up so early on a Sunday, is a definite torture for an irreligious girl like me.

Feelings with sleepiness and laziness, i logged on my msn, knowing my dear over there is going to inform me via msn. I wasn't well prepared yet, when he nudged me. Knowing that it's almost time to be fully ready, i clicked on the yellow blinking window, and left it there while giggling at it. I continued with dressing myself, while feeling fearful for not wearing the right choice of cloth to a roman catholic church.

I've heard lots'a information about being a roman catholic. Friends told me about it's being impolite to wear jeans that sorta clothes to an RC church. But if it's Miri's RC they might not be that strict on how you wear they guess? So i wore my jeans and the blouse he gave me, as my first appearance in an RC church.

Feeling anxious, when we reached the church, almost all of the sits are occupied. The morning mass started at 7am but it has been fully loaded by our miri RC s citizens around 15minutes earlier. The whole mass was covered with silence. Except for the sound made by Jason's baby nephew.

The mass begins with some sort of "i've actually forgotten what is what". All i remembered was they need to kneel down for around three times if i am not mistaken. Some of them lifted up their hands up to their shoulder( i saw my dear did it too). And Jason's mum kneel down at the moment she put down her handbag on a chair, while lifting her limbs up too. I think it's sorta prayer..

And then there's this thing call Receiving. Only those who has confessed their sins can go for the Receiving. My dear doesn't. I teased him for having so many sins and have not confessed it since december( He told me about his mum asked him to go Confession during december). And i've learnt that those who divorced can Never go for Receiving anymore.

I saw Marky at the mass. Jeanne and Nina's mum too. At least the church is not a total stranger to me =)

Suddenly,He asked me to switch places with him. I was being obedient so i listened to him. I didn't realise that the sun was blazing it's heat onto me until i look at him. =3

However he's such a nasty guy for lying me that there's still an hour left for the mass where it actually ends in the next few minutes. =.=

Even though we didn't get to go to the beach AGAIN. for the third time i think? Just by reminiscing all those people who kneel down, and the heart warming church songs, and of course when He sang... =3 It's a heart warming sunday.

A Prayer

Fitting In

Have you ever been trying to fit into something? A dress? Or maybe a shoe? Or A car? I've always had problems when it comes to fit into trousers or jeans. That's because i've got a big butt and a kinda chicken-wing-shaped upper thigh. Oh ya, a big waist too =)

I still remembered the day i tried to fit into those levi's jeans you know. A first-timer has no idea about levi's are being categorized into numbers( men/ Boys/ Sir/ gentlemen) and all sorts of curves( women/ ladies/ girls/ mademoiselle). And all i know was, I AM LOOKING FOR A PAIR OF SKINNY JEANS.

It took me almost half an hour inside the fitting room, for i have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA about the curve that suits me the most. In the end, i fit into a bold curve one and few days ago i measured myself according to the website http://www.levi.com.my/my/women/room/#intro and found out that i really suits bold curve the most. =.=

Well, this is not the reason why i decided to post a FIT IN topic. Fitting in does not imply to things you wear or use ONLY. One actually needs to fit into one's LIFE. Come on, what's the use of fitting into your shoes or dresses or anything that does not have any relevance to LIFE when you can't even get a LIFE?

Imagine you being there, in the middle of the crowd. Well it doesn't matter if you have TRUE friends surrounding you all the time because you will never get left out if you guys really are TRUE FRIENDS. But How if you are in a new area, where no one doesn't know you? And still you don't even dare to speak or ask or try to fit in. For god sake, what's the use of your mouth being zipped up all the time? Are you a Fish? Or the mouth is just for Decorations so that people will not run away calling ALIEN ON EARTH the moment they saw you? It's just a metaphore no big deal.

Even if you Can SPEAK doesn't mean that you definitely, 100%, sure, confirm, can fit into the crowd. For example, a 7-y-o kid was given a Bra and she wear it as a panty( I know i know it's just a metaphore!). Such a waste for the bra, aunty, you should have given it to me i am in need for BRAS.

Knowing what to talk at a certain situation is therefore very important to fit in. Here's an example of making your life a disaster:

A: Hi

B: *smiles

A: How's your holiday?

B: It's just okay.

A: What have you been doing the entire holiday then?

B: Nothing i guess. ( It's a FULL STOP)

A: Then doing NOTHING the entire holiday is OKAY?

B: Yeah.

A: Have you done your homework then?

B: Yea.

A: Then you call that as doing NOTHING?

B: Uh-uh.

A: *Sigh.. Then suddenly:" Whoaa a new Nike Bag!"

B: Yea.

A: Is that all?

B: Hurh? ( Finally a question mark)

A: Fine. *walks away

Never try to be B!. You are trying to fit in man fit in! B is soooo lame isn't it? Nah don't care it' just an example.

Among the crowds, there's actually a lot of people who are struggling and trying to fit into a life. Being yourself is good but don't live a lonesome life. Try to fit in while being yourself. If you are shy then try to be open step by step. I am just trying to fit in... that's all...

Will You Fit into My shoes? By Jason Chua

Sorry I didn't ask for your permission =D

Drippling...

It Drips...

They dripped...

Droplets on the Cooper Surface...

Ashamed...

For being so emotional...

Towards An uninvited thing...

Things change...

Time passes...

The Pump doesn't....

Shivering...

Coldness...

Afraid of the cloudy truth...

The sand...

Forcing out the Tears...

Feelings of hate and love intertwined...

Assurance...

The only chance of evaporation...

Conflict within myself

I can end up day dreaming whole DAY or NIGHT and i don't know how to solve it.

I'll ask myself questions and tried to answer the questions but found no answers to them.

I always thought of desiring to eat the choco crunch with HL milk but don't dare to step out of my room.

Things have been like this whenever i've been yearning to know what he/she is doing right now, but i don't wanna ask he/she for the answer.

I kept myself silence even though i wanted to post my thoughts on facebook but i don't want him/ her to see.

So instead of posting it on facebook, i tend to blog about it.

Maybe i was waiting for anonymous person to comment on my blog but i've no intention towards that and i make no anticipation towards that.

I am just trying to relieve myself by not keeping it inside my heart..

I've got questions like,

- Should i set up some rules for myself?

- Should i close my msn since there's nothing to be waiting for?

- Shouldn't i be doing my revision now?

- Can i eat choco crunch with Milk now?

- What should i tell mum bout it?

- Should i talk to him/ her?

- Can i ask him/her this/that?

Then i've got answers like,

- no i shouldnt', if we live our life through rules, it means that we are forcing ourself to do or follow it. it's willingness that i want. even though through rules you might be easing ur worries for some while but after that u'll start worrying bout whether u are truthful to ur rules or u r just forcing through life, which i don't want to. cause in the end it brings out again, the conflict onto myself and then i'll still be in the wheels of conflict, back to the starting point.

- no i shouldnt but maybe i should since i m awaiting for some miracles to happen but it's a waste of time. but then if i really close my msn, i'll be missing out my miracles. it's sad to think it that way. So i'll just open when i want and close when i feel like don't want to see any activities in my msn.

- yes, i DEFINITELY should have been doing my revision cause ur A2 exam is just around the corner, two months you know TWO MONTHS! But then i couldn't hocus pocus on my books. i intended to do my maths revision but then i ended up staring at it and repeatingly looking into the same page as i did two days ago. so i ended up blogging and staring into my laptops. Urghh..

- I wanna eat choco crunch but then again i wanna diet. Or maybe i might be going out tonight. there might be some expectations to happen but then again i might put myself into a graveyard of unhapiness coz my hopes came to fall apart but then again i should have think positively and yea you see, my cousin actually called me and asked me whether i wanted to go out or not but then again it all depends on ME, whether or not i want to go out or just continue sulking at home.

- Maybe i can make up this and that excuses to her but then again lying to her is so bad and i feel guilty to her. However, i've been desiring to do this and that so maybe i should have just come out with some appropriate excuses which won't hurt both sides. The end.

- No i shouldn't cause i dun wanna be a bother to him/ her so i ended up blogging and throw all my thoughts out into my blog.

- Yes i should but no i shouldn't. I want to solve this all by myself. Maybe i was being a little bit too hard-headed but then again i dont wanna let him/her know all the stupid thoughts i've made. =(

So, you see. I can repeat all those questinos and answers in my head and ended up not doing anything and wasting my time. Even though blogging these might not solve the problem i've made for myself. ARGHH...

I am just stupid and hard-headed and careless and idiotic and not-thinking-wisely...

Blablabla... i'll end my conflicts here but still i am within a sea of conflict and i don't mind talking to myself cause i've been used to it...

THE END

Yours sincerely,

Eileen Tan a.k.a. m0m0ch4n

(For god saken why did i end this article with a LETTER FORMAT? URGHHH!!!)